I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
So many bounce houses so little time
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Randomize
