I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I intend to get homeless drunk
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
