just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
