We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
