I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
So here I am, sexting at work.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
