Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
