He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
