Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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