I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
