Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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