hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
