yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
