is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
