i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
