You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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