I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
