k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Randomize
