I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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