i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
