for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
