my room smells like sperm. sweet.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
There r osticjed everywhere
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
