my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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