I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
