I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I want her autograph on my taint
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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