There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
