so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
