i wish starbucks made bloody marys
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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