I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
