you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
