I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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