It's like a parade of train wrecks.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
