so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
