Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
