you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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