Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
