shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
