I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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