this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
