areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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