i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
