Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Text me some of your sweat
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
