i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
