just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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