I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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