dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
