he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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