you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Randomize
