I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
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