she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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