i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
