hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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