just tell him i said nine months
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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