so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
