one might say we're banned from that church
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
