ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
