I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Randomize
